Lilianah

Well it's been a while since I have been able to get on here and keep everyone updated. These last couple weeks have been hectic emotionally and physically. So here I am and just to warn you I need to vent a little bit and can't seem to hold it in anymore. So just to warn you, you may cry. So just remember as you read...... I warned you! Well these last few days I have done nothing but thanked god that I have good healthy baby. One that I can hold in my arms every day, one I can come home to and say I love you. Well the reason for me saying all of this is because I had a very dear friend of mine that I work with everyday lose something so precious and beautiful. Last Monday June 23, 2008 as the work day ended I sat there talking to Mariah about motherhood and feeling her belly as we talked. And remembering the days Peyton was in me and active. Baby Lilianah was so active that day. She kicked my hands and I felt her move so much. Mariah and I sat there and enjoyed every minute of it and talked about how nervous she was going to be a first time mother. Well back in March when Mariah went in for her ultra sound to find out what she was having she also came with some other news. She found out that day she was going to have a little girl but also that her little girl was sick. Lily had gastritis. It's were the small intestine develops outside of the body. So since then Mariah has had to travel to Albuquerque to see a specialist once to twice a month. Things were going good and at her last appointment she found out that they were going to induce her a few weeks early. Her actual due date was on the 2nd of August and she was schedule to have her on the 14th of July. Last Tuesday she had an appointment in Albuquerque to make for sure they wanted to induce her that early. At this point they have been monitoring the baby every two weeks. Well when she got to Albuquerque she called me and said Tashina I am nervous something is wrong. I said what's wrong and she said I haven't felt Lily move all morning and that is not like her. She said she checked in and as soon as they hooked her up to the ultra sound machine she said Tashina I know those machines so well because they hook me up to them every time I go in. She said the first thing the tech said to her was She HAS LOTS OF HAIR, she said she turned her head and was trying to find the heartbeat. She couldn't find it.They called the doctor in and that's when she discovered things were really not right. They searched and searched for her heartbeat but never found it. Baby Lily passed away. This happened on Tuesday of last week and she didn't give birth to her til Friday at 1:15am. She was 4lbs 14oz and 18inches long. It was a very long and emotional labor for all of us. My heart felt like it was broken for her. What do say to try and comfort someone, someone that means so much to you. Then I came to the conclusion that there is nothing you can say to comfort them but be there for them. The hospital did allow Mariah to hold LILY after she had her , and they also allowed her to keep her through the night with her. I guess they do it because it helps with the healing process. Her mom called to tell us she had her and the background just made me break down. There is nothing worse then hearing someone breakdown and you can't be there. I was finally able to talk to Mariah on Friday afternoon and her and her boyfriend just got done dressing her in her baptism outfit ( they are Catholic) and they were getting ready to be released to go home. I was nervous for her only because over the weekend before this happened they had just finished putting Lily's room together and getting it ready for her arrival. Not only that she had a ton of stuff from her baby shower from the week before. So I didn't know how it was going to be when she got home.


Well the Funeral was today. One of the most emotional ones that I have been to so far. Only because I felt for Mariah. Knowing that she will never experience the things with Lily that I do with Peyton.I am so thankful for the church in my life and the knowledge and the comfort that it brings in these time of your life. I don't know what I would have done if it was me. The tears rolled down my cheeks today when I saw the pictures of Lily for the first time and also seeing the molding of her little face and feet that the hospital did of her. My heart was full of so many emotions. Let me tell you Lilianah was so Beautiful. She was 1/2 Hispanic and 1/2 white. Tons and tons of black hair. The tech was not lying. She looked just like her mother. Mariah is such a strong women. She held herself up so well today. There have been lots and lots of tears. But I know deep down inside that Heavenly Father needed her more. And I also know that she will see her again one day. My prayers are with her. I thank heavenly father for Peyton everyday. I was blessed and you don't realize what you are blessed with until something like this happens. So get off the computer and hold your babies close to you and don't let go.